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<input ... ><input ... > After what appears to be a permanent hiatus from livejournal, a recent discussion that mentioned this account brought me around to reviving it. Quite frankly, what do I have to lose, right? This is merely threading thoughts out into cyberspace, and that is that. Anyway, roughly a month ago I finally finished college. Granted, I did take winter sessions all 4 years as well as 1 summer session, but all in all, they were merely to separate some of my science courses apart to make more reasonable schedules. That in turn allowed me to pursue, not 1 but 2 more foreign languages (Japanese and Mandarin Chinese) in addition to the Spanish I had already studied, as well as partake in a graduate-level Chemistry courses and all of the "Pre-Medical" courses. Would I go back and do something differently? Absolutely not. I let my heart guide me through college, and I think I finished pretty well. I truly made the most out of my experience and I have no regrets. Perhaps the "capstone" of my education was my 1 month study abroad program in Kobe,Japan, guided by Miller Sensei. He made it a truly amazing trip; despite some problems I was dealing with back home at the time, the trip was still very enjoyable. But now I am beginning a new chapter in life, a new adventure. This is my last week at home; on Wednesday I move to Maryland in order to begin my full-time career. If asked 4 years ago when I started college, I would have said without hesitation that I would be beginning medical school to complete my MD. Now, MD or even DO schools are far from my reality. Besides the costs, it is simply an unending process which wrecks havoc on one's personal life, perhaps making relationships hard to maintain. I have thought strongly about pursuing podiatric medicine, but I am still undecided at the moment. Back to the present though. On Wednesday, I will complete my move to Maryland and I will finally be "on my own." No more dorm life and/or living with or around other UD students. I don't have any friends down there yet, but hopefully I will make some new friends, either at work, in the community, or both. It's pretty scary and incredibly intimidating, but it is also extremely exciting. I can't wait! Finally, I am beginning to reflect on what shaped me into who I am today. By far, the biggest factor in my life has been Dora, and that has been wholely positive. I have matured a lot and I live a happier and much more fulfilling life now. At the same time, there have also been some surprises along the way. When I joined Phi Sigma Pi as a freshmen, I thought it would be a wonderful experience and I enjoyed the time I spent around everyone. By the end of college, I couldn't stand being around any of them, save a few of the brothers, and I found my relief with Delta Sig. As it turns out, PSP people get good grades, but that's about it. They lack common sense and direction. Now out of college, most have either taken dead-end positions or are merely running to graduate school, not to enrich themselves, but simply to avoid "the real world". It's kinda pathetic, really. Everyone must grow up sometime, and they hope to push it off forever. I'm glad I've moved beyond such an outlook and am fully embracing the "real world" and work... Current Location: Home
Current Mood:  anxious
Current Music: L'arc en Ciel
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With only 11 days of lecture left, my 2nd midterm exam tomorrow, and slightly over 2 weeks to go, winter session is almost over. It's been rather rough this winter. Mainly the lack of people has been the problem. In the fall, I felt surrounded by people, but as is the case every year with winter session, people go away and do other things during this 1.5 month break. It typically was only one person (Dan), but has since escalated into almost everyone I know. Some of them have graduated (Chris), but many others are exploring the world, usually through UD but some on their own (basically all my fraternity brothers, as well as Vince, Brent, and Barnabas). That being said, the only people left in UD have been Larry, Nathaly, Dora, Rhoeyce, and Steve. While they are all great people to be around, 4 out of those 5 people I didn't hang out with too often during the semester, so it's been odd either always being around them (or choosing to be alone). Dora has been working nearly nonstop, for which she has her own reasons, but it has definitely left a void in my day. I understand I can't always get what I want, but sometimes realizing that is hard. That being said, I've been passing the time with lots of studying, playing video games, and playing Guitar/Bass. Physics itself has been a mixed blessing. Unlike last year when I took 201, a lot of Physics/Engineering majors are nearby to run to whenever I get stuck, which seems to be quite often at times. Usually I have the right answer, minus one small thing (this IS algebra-based Physics) to which the typical response has been "stop being retarded, you already solved it except for your algebra mistake." The first exam went ok (I passed), but I was met with "This is 202...you should be getting 100's!" as well as a lot off disappointment from the physics majors. Oh well. Hopefully exam 2 will turn out well, although the "partial credit" policy is brutal. Lab quizzes were horrible in the beginning, and lab reports were average, but after some strange turn of events, the TA has basically stopped grading and is giving out 100's left and right. Perhaps he was reprimandUed for being too difficult? Research has been going ok. Despite not working for credit or stipend, I have been showing up nonetheless to learn. One of the graduate students pulled me aside the other day to get me focused back on my research, as I've been barely showing up recently. It's hard when there's no monetary/credit motivation but I've been trying hard. After our conversation, I felt invigorated to try harder, and perhaps that's all I ever wanted. I've been trying to apply for Volunteering at AI Dupont (for medical school) but the head instructor at the YMCA has been an ass with responding to my request for him to be a reference. I have no clue what his problem is but he seems to be pissing off all the instructors and people have been quitting left and right. He's late for classes, and I'm usually met by Erich at the 1pm class, relieved that he doesn't have to teach a class of 14-20 7 year olds all alone. In my spare time, I've also been trying to put ideas into words for my ANTH 210 course that I am taking in the spring. As part of the course, we are required to make a blog and post our thoughts on it. I don't know how I'll balance this and that blog, but I'll try. I'll copy & paste the blogs from that on here, as well as make my 'off the record' comments that I do not want to have placed on the site. The site, called 21classes, is a combination of a blog and facebook. It's pretty neat, but I'm still hesitant about the course, which forces me to be more vocal & opinionated in class, something that I shy away from at times. I'm looking forward to Spring semester a lot and can't wait until everyone comes back. It's creepy being on this campus when it is deserted like this. The only worse time is Summer session, when I feel like I'm a minority on campus... Current Location: Squire 124
Current Mood:  tired
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Despite the grim title of this entry, Christmas was not bad at all. Christmas Eve I saw some relatives in Philly and had a nice dinner. Christmas Day was brunch with my parents, my aunt, and my grandparents. Unfortunately Dora had work Christmas Eve and was with her family all Christmas so we couldn't spend Christmas together :(. That's ok...we'll have time in the near future. The day after Christmas at 8:30, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I was sedated so all I remember is thinking about Dora then passing out. Next thing I know people are hurrying me out of the operating chair to wake up. I try to walk but they are like "you can't...yet". Apparently you can't get up too fast from that kind of thing. Despite my peaceful slumber, I realized I had stitches and my head was wrapped with ice. A few days later, all that's left is some minor swelling; nothing big. The real highlight of my week was Friday afternoon. Originally I wouldn't have even had the chance to see Dora until Sunday, at earliest. That would've been 3 weeks away from her! :'( Fortunately, her work schedule changed & I got a phone call from her around noon saying she didn't have work until later. After giving the directions to Wilmington, I got a chance to see Dora!!!!!!! Even though it was only a few hours before she had to go home to go to work, it was very special that I was able to spend time with her. I love Dora ^_^ Ow...my jaw's hurting again...maybe I should have taken the painkillers... Current Location: Home
Current Mood:  sore
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Now that fall semester is over, I finally have time to relax. Which has become somewhat odd in a way, staying up until 3-4 am each night and waking up around 10 or 11 am. Hopefully I can fix my sleep schedule by the time winter sessions begins. For those just reading this journal for the first time, here's a quick update of what my fall semester consisted of: -18 credit semester (6 courses) -Relationship -Honor Fraternity, Honor Society, and numerous clubs -Pledging an underground Social Greek Fraternity -Marching Band (14-16 hour time commitment per week) -Inorganic Chemistry Research Needless to say, I'm glad all the exams and whatnot are done. I'm looking forward to my 4 credit Winter Session & 13 credit (4 course) spring semester. Final Grades (In Case you Were wondering) Japanese: A Music: A Chinese History: B+ Linguistics: B+ Biology II: B- P Chem: C- All of those grades except Chemistry were about where I expected them to be. My GPA went again, but not by much, although I found a glitch in the UDSIS system which robs me of 2 credits of "A" and my GPA is erroneously calculated to begin with! There's an error of 0.4. Enough of that, it seems I have to make a blog of sorts for my ANTH course in the spring; I don't think I'll be doing too many updates on here come spring time although I'm sure to upload my essays from that course on here for a few good laughs. I also have to maintain a facebook-esque networking site for that same class. Not much in the way of actual schoolwork but plenty of 'other work' to do. I've been more preoccupied than anything about my upcoming dental surgery on the 26th of December, the removal of my wisdom teeth. The operation, in theory is pretty small and clear cut, but my mouth is sore as it is from just going to the dentist today. I can't imagine what that'll feel like. I'm really scared about it; I wish someone could be there for me but undoubtedly nobody would take me seriously enough to actually care, because of how minor the operation actually is. What people don't realize is that I haven't been going to bed until 2-3 am and having nightmares when I am sleeping. Besides that, I've been trying to keep my mind clear and relax during the day. I've played plenty of video games but I feel that I'll get bored eventually. I feel very lonely right now. Not lonely like nobody is around, because plenty of my friends have been around and I've been spending some time with them, hopefully much more next week once I recover from the operation. In particular, I just really miss Dora. And it hurts. During the semester, despite my 18 credits and her full semester + 2 jobs, there was almost always time to see her at LEAST 5 times a week. On some very lucky weeks, I saw her everyday, if only for a little bit. Things are going well between us, and I feel stronger and stronger feelings everyday for her but this week has been rough since I haven't had a chance to see her at all. She's had work everyday, and a lack of a car on my part have made things difficult. I'm trying to get a car for Sunday or pray that she'll be around on Christmas because that would really make my day. Wishful thinking I know, but I can dream, can't I? Current Mood:  apathetic
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As was the fate with my first journal...this journal too has faced the same fate... ...me not updating it... It's not like I don't want to; I really do...I just never find time :-P A few entries ago I mentioned all the stress from classes and exams/projects not being up to par/where they should be. Fortunately that has changed for the most part: HIST: B's on midterm, 2nd Map & ID, and midterm essay LING: High B on exam 2 CHEM: B- on second exam BISC: 100's on quizzes; extra credit; B on 2nd exam. JAPN: A's on Kanji Quizzes & 97% on Kanji Final (which I took a week early). A lot of B's...not many A's. Hopefully that'll change around finals, which is when that really counts... Delta Sig initiation inches closer & closer. Fees are scaring me. It's not like I don't have the money....I just choose not to. Not to mention my parents don't know about Delta Sig; I'm pretty sure they wouldn't approve of an underground fraternity, even if my little is in it. But truly, a semester away from PSP (Phi Sigma Pi) was not as bad as I thought it would be. I met the new initiates that matter, but I didn't feel like a piece of me was missing this semester. The "fraternity" is becoming increasingly catty as the female/male ratio shifts even further and I can only wonder what next semester (and next year) will bring. Can I afford both fraternities (both mentally & financially)? Maybe...but if I have to choose, who do I choose. PSP was first, but Delta Sig has been much better to me. I don't want to turn my back on PSP, but meh... Delta Sig is a rising star in the Social Greek community while PSP is waning. Most people don't even know what it is. If I do leave...can I leave locally (aka the PSP chapter) and remain active nationally as an independent non-affiliated brother? People keep begging me to come back, but the question is, do I want to? Again...it's a difficult situation. The people who brought me into PSP were great people, but unfortunately as they've graduated, people who replace them aren't of the same caliber. They aren't necessarily bad people...just not the same. I feel less connected than I used to be and meetings are more of a chore than a pleasure. If I do stay I'm definitely going to propose major structure changes in the fraternity; I feel I have many people's support. Enough of that...onto Dora news. I am deeply in love with Dora, in case you haven't already noticed. At the beginning of the semester, I was worried how often I'd see her because of her class/work schedule. For better or worse, she dropped Italian after a few days and then got a job at a pharmacy. As such, I typically get to see her 5-6 days a week, which is amazing. Regardless of what we are doing, I cherish all the time that I spend with her. Hopefully she can come over during Christmas time... This upcoming week is finals week so both Dora & I have hectic schedules for finals but hopefully we can still spend some time together, if only small amounts until finals are over. There's the possibility of Longwood Gardens one day this week, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. My roommate Chris moves out in 12 days :'( I really hope I don't get some random/creepy roommate in the spring... Current Location: Squire 124
Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: L'Arc En Ciel
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ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG GGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Felt good to get that out. Stressed but not stressed by school at the same time. Mentally I'm freaking out looking at the things due down the road in each course. Some things are minor some of those things are major (P Chem exam!) but I am stressed nonetheless. I've been breaking out and I just feel more stressed overall. Next semester will be stressful too, but in a different way. I am only taking 13 credits....for once 13 credits actually means 13 hours of school a week. These past few semester, I'd take 2 labs per semester, sometimes with band on top of that, and it was just bad. Each lab added 3 hours to the week despite each only being considered "1 credit" while band added 6 hours during the week, plus up to 8 or 10 hours on the weekend, again for just "1 credit." Will I do band next fall? Who knows. My mood will determine that. HOWEVER, I will also be enrolling in an MCAT course. I tried the books in HS...that doesn't work for me. I need someone to keep me on track with all that. I lack the motivation to keep going when something is that far down the road (5 months perhaps?). I don't even know WHEN I am taking them. Nonetheless, I also need to prepare for my "plan B," which is either applying for an MD/PhD program (emphasis on the PhD) part or a traditional PhD program. Why PhD? It's not one of those "delay the real world" things; if I wanted that I'd do an MA in History! But my GPA is lower than it should be and it places basically everything on this one exam. I am trying to not let it get to me but.... GAHHHHHHHHHHHH Needed to get that out too. Linguistics is this week. First exam I walked in being like "ha...this is a joke" and walked out with a C. Not because I didn't understand the material; I did but I blew off a lot of studying before it assuming I knew it from doing well on the homeworks. So a lot is riding on this 1 exam. Also, even sooner, is my next kanji exam. Who knows which one this is. All I know is they are getting harder and harder. The first one was a review of 105 and each one adds 8-15 new kanji. Not only is it knowing the strokes but also the different pronunciations (usages) for it. Stressed! Argh! :( Current Location: Squire 124
Current Mood:  stressed
Current Music: Stay Away
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After my confusion (see my post 2 entries back) I feel like I've found an answer. What I was missing was going out. No, not in the drinking context but just getting outside of my dorm for something other than a fraternity/school/band event. I did this all the time during the summer so it was odd coming back to such a restricted life. I suppose I did it to myself (I did add JAPN 106 literally like 1 week before school started, citing that it would be like taking a course for free since I had the books and a loophole allowed band to pay for the credit-overload charges), but I keep wanting to blame others. My roommate only has 12 credits in comparison and I suppose I am jealous. I mean his classes are hard, probably harder than mine in some aspects, but he still has time to go out rather often. I've resolved to make more time for myself in the upcoming semesters. I will only be taking 4 credits in winter (same as the past 2 winters but I will not be working at home and there is nobody left in Newark except for Dora, whom I hope to spend a lot of with considering all the free time I'll have) and 13 credits in the spring, but I am counting down the days until then. Over a month and a half to go and the stress is starting to catch up to me. Cant wait for Thanksgiving break! Today, I spent almost the entire day with Dora, and I couldn't be happier!! After groggily waking up around 11 when Chris came to wake me up, I quickly called Dora and she told me she was already on the way to my dorm. I ran into the shower but she was already waiting outside my door by the time I was done. After running a few errands we made our way to Christiana Mall. After Dora picked up her Red River manga, we moved onto Gamestop and I not only bought Dynasty Warriors 2, but also Gundam: Journey to Jaburo and Onimusha 2. All 3 are old but good games. With so little time, I'm about 3 years behind in games, minus the occasional new game that I play like FF 5 & FF 12. Afterwards, Dora took me shopping. Shopping....it is a scary word. With anyone else, I'd be kicking and screaming and begging for that not to happen, but with Dora it is all different. I am quite content going shopping if it is with her....I am actually quite happy & excited sometimes, such as today. On our way out we stopped by a tiny little photo both and I got 4 pictures with Dora !!!!! Maybe I will post them someday... But it does show something. I am very deeply in love with Dora. Sometimes my big and his ex g/f tease me about it, but I don't care. My friend Nathaly and my roommate Chris both say I'm "mushy" and that I'm a "sap" but it is just how I feel. I know it isn't infatuation or puppy love because Dora is my 4th, not 1st girlfriend and that these are mature feelings. These feelings, now 10 months later from when we first started dating, are very different from the "honeymoon" feelings that people feel in the 1-3 months of a relationship. These feelings feel stronger by the day and I cherish every moment I spent with her. I felt very honored introducing Dora to my parents last month and all of my aunts, uncles, and cousins last week. I think they all liked her too! She is very special to me and definitely a keeper. I give thanks everyday in my mind to Barnabas for were it not for him, I would most likely not be dating Dora like I am right now. I am extremely grateful for all he has done and I feel very special spending my time with Dora. We both have busy lives, but she goes out of her way to make time for us (I do too) and I love every minute of it. Whether it is a lunch in the dining hall, a nap before class or even just studying chem, they are all special moments to me. I feel nothing but pure joy when I walk Dora to class or pick her up from her night lab on Monday nights. I love Dora :-D P.S. Did I mention that I have since started the composition of an orchestral piece which I am writing for Dora and hope to present in the somewhat near future!? Current Location: Squire 124
Current Mood:  rejuvenated
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Many of you who know me (basically everyone reading this journal, I hope) know that I take school seriously...maybe too seriously. Maybe not. I'll go with the first option. While many people, such as my old roommate "Tall Mike" go out every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and sometimes Wednesday & Sunday (depending on the status of classes), I rarely go out to parties for such an occasion. Am I an anti-social person? No. But I also can not handle the completely random drunken meses that many parties on campus are these days. Even while not drinking, something I gave up mid-summer (although I never really drank in the first place), the atmosphere of the party completely makes or breaks how comfortable I feel. I shall illustrate this with 2 examples: Example 1: My friends from freshman year, Rodney B Inc, invite me to come along last spring...it turns out to the Sigma Kappa sorority house. Maybe it was because I didn't really know anybody there except my friends (although randomly people I knew in HS appeared out of nowhere) or maybe the bizarre atmosphere I got from being there, but needless to say, after I had nervously finished what my roommate predicted to last me 4 hours (it really was not much) lasted less than half an hour, things went from bad to worse. Eventually I coaxed them into leaving. Example 2: I brought the same group of friends to my fraternity's house on Rose Street, following our spring charity event. I knew nearly everyone there but it was twice as crowded and the basement was much smaller than the house (non-basement) party area of the previous example. Again, the drink went much faster than expected but the atmosphere was comforting. My big was there for a while, smirking over my incredibly low alcohol tolerance, and my little had become a bouncer for the party, blocking out people from the AEPi party next to us. Fun times were had by all, minus the heavy downpour that followed on my way back to the dorm. So that explains why I don't go out *too* often. Anyway, I've really gotten into music, or rather, the composition of music, in recent times. Video games are fine to play on occasion, but it can get almost depressing if that's the same turn of events for the Xth day in a row. So sometimes, if I'm really bored, I'll do some homework...on a weekend night. Needless to say, despite somewhat stringent study habits, classes have not gone as expected. LING 101: Difficult class because of the material covered, but should be an easy class because of only 1 lecture a week + a discussion session to reinforce the knowledge learned in the lecture. Sounds simple right? Very little studying needed by the time the exam actually rolled around. The TA & the professor were both impressed with how well I was grasping the material. Then exam 1 comes; easy I think to myself. What I thought would be an A, turns out to be a D+. Horrible! After closer inspection there is a 10 pt grading error, which moves the grade up a C+ but it was still horrible considering I knew the material! Hopefully exam 2 will be better..... MUSC 113:Marching Band. What could be hard, right? Sadly, sometimes going to practice is the struggle. On a hot Friday afternoon, after only having 50 minutes of class at 9:05 am, there is little inspiration to trek to the field. I've only skipped 1 day, but I definitely feel a low moral at times. Easy but sometimes painful "A" for the semester. While others enjoy their weekends (aka sleeping in or staying out late) I am restricted to an early bedtime for the next morning. Not sure if I will continue it next year... BISC 208: Similar situation to LING, this is a common sense course. While boatloads of information in every field possible is thrown at you, you are forced to absorb all the material. The labs are literally common sense and require almost no skill. Yet the exams here scare me a lot. First exam was a "C". Better than some, worse than some. It is not where I want to be for a class like this. Hopefully exam 2 corrected this wrong... HIST 368: My 2nd to last 300 lvl history is a pain in the ass. After proving myself in 4 other courses, this course defies belief. A map project seems simple right? That's what we (the class) thought. That's not what the 80's and below when we got the grades showed us. I improved from a C to a B on the midterm but it is still shoddy. I've decided to put off the reading until right before the mandatory discussion days as keeping up has nothing to show for it except the possibility of me passing out in the classroom. Grr! JAPN 106: Why am I complaining about this course? Despite 90's or so on nearly everything, that is to be taken with a grain of salt. I have Miller-sensei this semester, arguably the easiest of the 4 teachers. Having him 4 days a week, I am learning but maybe not? I can't recall the vocab off the top of my head like I could in 105 and it is stressful. I've gotten lucky thus far but it is going to get me in 107 & 206 (in Kobe). Why cant I absorb the material faster? CHEM 418: Ah..P Chem, my nemesis. I like/hate this course at the same time. The professor is kind and very willing to help but the material is difficult. The book problems are very hard and do nothing but damper your spirits. I resolved to sit down with it everyday but that doesn't always work. I was re-writing my notes after each class but that was bogging me down. Nights became simply rewriting and not actually studying.. The quiz grades are all over the place, but I don't feel confident in the material. Throw in the fact that this horrible other professor is teaching the (harder) 2nd semester of the course, and the fact that the upcoming exam is 25% of my grade, along with the final, which is 37.5% of my grade, and you can understand why I am stressed.. I don't know how to improve my studying and be a better student. Sometimes I wish I was back in freshman year, where work and studying were afterthoughts and fun was everything... Current Location: Squire 124
Current Mood: stressed
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